NFL Draft Watch; girlfriends, sisters, cousins...

Not really tuning in late; just general laziness, but Ryan Kerrigan's (Number 16 to Washington) sister is definitely down for some roll in the hay; been trying to pay attention to all the other betches at the draft but haven't bothered to see any legit candidates.

And the Patriots pick a tackle from Colorado and the Glowpoint videoconference essentially shows us that his family sucks and there was a bunch of weirdos at his draft party. Guess he doesn't really know anyone in Boulder, which is hard to believe. Not sure who this guy hung out with, but maybe he'll make some friends in Boston. Tom Brady will probably invite him to eat one time, and then go off and do this:

But, back to the draft. Multiple betches surrounding Boston College's Anthony Castonzo, as he lives in Bumblefuck, Illinois. And now, he's gonna go and protect Peyton Manning, until Peyton pulls a Favre and bounces around to a few teams just to pad his stats. For the record though, Peyton is many, many times better than the Wrangler King, and he could be the Niners Qb in three years, and I would be happy.

NFL Draft starts tonight!!

I wonder how many people are gonna boo this guy when he steps up to the podium tonight...

Another NFLer stabbed; you can't really make this shit up...

How many more will be stabbed?


Can we blame all of this on the lockout? Big, strong guys just cooped up in their cribs aggravating their significant others because they can't go to the team facility and workout. Pushing their betches so far that they have to reach for the blade. There are clearly issues with Brandon Marshall and his betch; probably irreparable damage is done to that marriage, unless those two have an understandment that they can get wasted and abuse each other, which in that case, they are meant for each other. I could make an Irish joke, but I'll bite my tongue. This Hunter issue is a little more interesting, also because we don't have any facts at this point. Apparently, he's not filing charges so this case might be finished. Put down the knife betches.

But, this is bringing to light the problem with an extended work stoppage, because even though the lockout is officially over, players still cannot get into the team facilities to workout or even soak in the tub. The number of run-ins with the law that NFL players have had during this offseason/lockout has numbered in the teens at this point. Let's not pretend that this wouldn't happen in a non-lockout offseason; would Johnny Jolly have not been busted with a huge pile of drugs? Would Kenny Britt not have gotten into a high speed chase with the cops? Does Albert Haynesworth decide not to feel up some waitress? Like death and taxes, NFL players having offseason troubles with authority is just another constant. Question is, if the work stoppage continues to go into the summer, how many more guys might run into issues? Personally, I'd love to see Cam Newton organizing some sort of 'love boat' with a few of his rookie colleagues.

Falcons player shockingly doesn't wanna marry "Real Housewife" betch

Crazy psycho betch

I take one look at this betch and all I see is crazy; like a whole pile of it. I don't think Kroy Biermann got cold feet as much as he got the full-blown shakes from this betch. That picture above is worth more words than I can type; she's got her fur shawl draped around her shoulders, striking a pose for the cameras, trying to look as amazing as possible; but once you're in private with her, she will bite your head off for anything you say. And Biermann is 6'3" 260 pounds, he's not some punk bitch, I doubt he scares very easily. But that's what this type of betch will do to someone of his stature. Unthinkable of what she might do in the bedroom though; demon in the sack.

This is why I believe there is a lucrative business that all of these crazy "Real Housewives" could get into, where they'd make a ton of cash, and men would come from miles around to watch. That's right, I'm talking about a KY wrestling league for these ladies. Once a week, they would suit up, well, technically they would be stripping down, and they'd have KY wrestling matches. There would be a huge tournament and eventually, one of these betches would be crowned the grand champion. Some might say, 'oh, this is contributing to subjugation of women,' and blah, blah, blah. But wait, aren't these women essentially sitting at home, chatting with their betches, getting manis and pedis and waiting for husband to bring home the bread? So, doesn't this give them a job? And believe me, people would pay top dollar to see this shit. I'm talkin' must see TV here. And it would let them take their anger out on something, which obviously they have a problem with.

Cutler and Cavallari make it official; opposites do actually attract

Cutler might injure himself and take himself out of the wedding?


Jay Cutler and some betch from Laguna Beach/The Hills are getting married; opposites do attract apparently, because Kristin Cavallari actually seems like a decent and nice person, but with only this video clip and other Family Guy flashbacks to go off of, I'm not really sure....

I kinda feel sorry for this betch though; she's gonna have to put with that little bitch Jay Cutler all the time. Like I said, it seems as if she's outgoing, so imagine the arguments these two will have when Cavallari wants to go somewhere and Cutler's gonna whine and moan like he just threw a pick, of which he throws many. Then, when the first baby comes, it's gonna be like dealing with two babies because of the nonstop bitchfest that Cutler's gonna make over this baby. I wonder when Cutler's just gonna call it quits in the NFL so he can move to a desert island and just live out his days without bothering everyone. Unfortunately, he's just not that good at throwing that little pigskin, so it might take him a few years.

Cannot be said enough; Soccer WAGs are the hottest chicks in the world

Scroll down to Puyol's chick

Like holy smokes! I know I posted overweight pitcher Brad Penny's fiery fiance a few posts back, but Barcelona's Carles Puyol (mug pictured above) has his grubby hands on some Spanish model. Seriously,       I wonder what sort of poonanny Franck Ribery is getting; I'm sure it's pretty outstanding, despite the fact that he's the ugliest mothafucka alive. I'm pretty any marquee soccer player, or any player on a marquee club is pulling in some of the finest ass on either side of the Atlantic. I could go on and on listing off the various conquests of Cristiano Ronaldo (including a tranny prostitute), and strut out WAG after WAG to depress you, or I could just throw this tidbit your way. The guy who plays immediately next to Puyol on Barcelona's backline, Gerard Pique; he's currently hookin up with Shakira. Yup, enough said.

Sufficed to say I would take all the verbal abuse that a footballer endures for an entire lifetime just to be one of these [muff] divers for a day. Oh the pipe dream...

So Tony LaRussa's daughter.....not too shabby

Tony LaRussa: Huge Piece of Shit; Daughter: Not so much


Color me shocked/happy/mildly disappointed. First, the shocked part is no secret. How did she come from this:

Super weird right? The guy is a complete muppet on and off the baseball field, often batting his pitcher eighth in his lineup, as well as passing out shitfaced at a stoplight and attending that "I'm a crazy lunatic rally" with Glenn Beck. I guess he can finally be thanked by all mankind for bringing this angel to Earth, and letting us enjoy her. Which is a perfect transition to my happy emotion; when the NFL sorts this mess out, and it will get sorted out, Bianca (she also wins for having an absolutely foxy name) will be strutting around the Oakland Raiders' sideline half-naked and ready for action. In total, this asshole has four daughters with two wives (two with each wife), so I'm gonna go ahead and assume that Bianca's sister is a fiery little minx as well. The only thing I'm somewhat disappointed with is that LaRussa doesn't have a son. I mean, when you have a crazy lunatic like LaRussa, he's gonna pass on all of his crazy personality traits to his son. That means we are missing out on some potentially hilarious hijinks, such as drug use and possession, some sort of domestic violence, and all the other type of shit that you know Tony LaRussa Jr (that would definitely be his name) would get into.