NFL Draft Watch; girlfriends, sisters, cousins...

Not really tuning in late; just general laziness, but Ryan Kerrigan's (Number 16 to Washington) sister is definitely down for some roll in the hay; been trying to pay attention to all the other betches at the draft but haven't bothered to see any legit candidates.

And the Patriots pick a tackle from Colorado and the Glowpoint videoconference essentially shows us that his family sucks and there was a bunch of weirdos at his draft party. Guess he doesn't really know anyone in Boulder, which is hard to believe. Not sure who this guy hung out with, but maybe he'll make some friends in Boston. Tom Brady will probably invite him to eat one time, and then go off and do this:

But, back to the draft. Multiple betches surrounding Boston College's Anthony Castonzo, as he lives in Bumblefuck, Illinois. And now, he's gonna go and protect Peyton Manning, until Peyton pulls a Favre and bounces around to a few teams just to pad his stats. For the record though, Peyton is many, many times better than the Wrangler King, and he could be the Niners Qb in three years, and I would be happy.

NFL Draft starts tonight!!

I wonder how many people are gonna boo this guy when he steps up to the podium tonight...

Another NFLer stabbed; you can't really make this shit up...

How many more will be stabbed?


Can we blame all of this on the lockout? Big, strong guys just cooped up in their cribs aggravating their significant others because they can't go to the team facility and workout. Pushing their betches so far that they have to reach for the blade. There are clearly issues with Brandon Marshall and his betch; probably irreparable damage is done to that marriage, unless those two have an understandment that they can get wasted and abuse each other, which in that case, they are meant for each other. I could make an Irish joke, but I'll bite my tongue. This Hunter issue is a little more interesting, also because we don't have any facts at this point. Apparently, he's not filing charges so this case might be finished. Put down the knife betches.

But, this is bringing to light the problem with an extended work stoppage, because even though the lockout is officially over, players still cannot get into the team facilities to workout or even soak in the tub. The number of run-ins with the law that NFL players have had during this offseason/lockout has numbered in the teens at this point. Let's not pretend that this wouldn't happen in a non-lockout offseason; would Johnny Jolly have not been busted with a huge pile of drugs? Would Kenny Britt not have gotten into a high speed chase with the cops? Does Albert Haynesworth decide not to feel up some waitress? Like death and taxes, NFL players having offseason troubles with authority is just another constant. Question is, if the work stoppage continues to go into the summer, how many more guys might run into issues? Personally, I'd love to see Cam Newton organizing some sort of 'love boat' with a few of his rookie colleagues.

Falcons player shockingly doesn't wanna marry "Real Housewife" betch

Crazy psycho betch

I take one look at this betch and all I see is crazy; like a whole pile of it. I don't think Kroy Biermann got cold feet as much as he got the full-blown shakes from this betch. That picture above is worth more words than I can type; she's got her fur shawl draped around her shoulders, striking a pose for the cameras, trying to look as amazing as possible; but once you're in private with her, she will bite your head off for anything you say. And Biermann is 6'3" 260 pounds, he's not some punk bitch, I doubt he scares very easily. But that's what this type of betch will do to someone of his stature. Unthinkable of what she might do in the bedroom though; demon in the sack.

This is why I believe there is a lucrative business that all of these crazy "Real Housewives" could get into, where they'd make a ton of cash, and men would come from miles around to watch. That's right, I'm talking about a KY wrestling league for these ladies. Once a week, they would suit up, well, technically they would be stripping down, and they'd have KY wrestling matches. There would be a huge tournament and eventually, one of these betches would be crowned the grand champion. Some might say, 'oh, this is contributing to subjugation of women,' and blah, blah, blah. But wait, aren't these women essentially sitting at home, chatting with their betches, getting manis and pedis and waiting for husband to bring home the bread? So, doesn't this give them a job? And believe me, people would pay top dollar to see this shit. I'm talkin' must see TV here. And it would let them take their anger out on something, which obviously they have a problem with.

Cutler and Cavallari make it official; opposites do actually attract

Cutler might injure himself and take himself out of the wedding?


Jay Cutler and some betch from Laguna Beach/The Hills are getting married; opposites do attract apparently, because Kristin Cavallari actually seems like a decent and nice person, but with only this video clip and other Family Guy flashbacks to go off of, I'm not really sure....

I kinda feel sorry for this betch though; she's gonna have to put with that little bitch Jay Cutler all the time. Like I said, it seems as if she's outgoing, so imagine the arguments these two will have when Cavallari wants to go somewhere and Cutler's gonna whine and moan like he just threw a pick, of which he throws many. Then, when the first baby comes, it's gonna be like dealing with two babies because of the nonstop bitchfest that Cutler's gonna make over this baby. I wonder when Cutler's just gonna call it quits in the NFL so he can move to a desert island and just live out his days without bothering everyone. Unfortunately, he's just not that good at throwing that little pigskin, so it might take him a few years.

Cannot be said enough; Soccer WAGs are the hottest chicks in the world

Scroll down to Puyol's chick

Like holy smokes! I know I posted overweight pitcher Brad Penny's fiery fiance a few posts back, but Barcelona's Carles Puyol (mug pictured above) has his grubby hands on some Spanish model. Seriously,       I wonder what sort of poonanny Franck Ribery is getting; I'm sure it's pretty outstanding, despite the fact that he's the ugliest mothafucka alive. I'm pretty any marquee soccer player, or any player on a marquee club is pulling in some of the finest ass on either side of the Atlantic. I could go on and on listing off the various conquests of Cristiano Ronaldo (including a tranny prostitute), and strut out WAG after WAG to depress you, or I could just throw this tidbit your way. The guy who plays immediately next to Puyol on Barcelona's backline, Gerard Pique; he's currently hookin up with Shakira. Yup, enough said.

Sufficed to say I would take all the verbal abuse that a footballer endures for an entire lifetime just to be one of these [muff] divers for a day. Oh the pipe dream...

So Tony LaRussa's daughter.....not too shabby

Tony LaRussa: Huge Piece of Shit; Daughter: Not so much


Color me shocked/happy/mildly disappointed. First, the shocked part is no secret. How did she come from this:

Super weird right? The guy is a complete muppet on and off the baseball field, often batting his pitcher eighth in his lineup, as well as passing out shitfaced at a stoplight and attending that "I'm a crazy lunatic rally" with Glenn Beck. I guess he can finally be thanked by all mankind for bringing this angel to Earth, and letting us enjoy her. Which is a perfect transition to my happy emotion; when the NFL sorts this mess out, and it will get sorted out, Bianca (she also wins for having an absolutely foxy name) will be strutting around the Oakland Raiders' sideline half-naked and ready for action. In total, this asshole has four daughters with two wives (two with each wife), so I'm gonna go ahead and assume that Bianca's sister is a fiery little minx as well. The only thing I'm somewhat disappointed with is that LaRussa doesn't have a son. I mean, when you have a crazy lunatic like LaRussa, he's gonna pass on all of his crazy personality traits to his son. That means we are missing out on some potentially hilarious hijinks, such as drug use and possession, some sort of domestic violence, and all the other type of shit that you know Tony LaRussa Jr (that would definitely be his name) would get into.

Brandon Marshall stabbed by some woman; oh, it was his wife...

Brandon Marshall stabbed


They've been married less than a year, and she's already taking out the cutlery on him! Until more details emerge I think we're pretty much in the dark about this one, besides the fact that Marshall just finally got paid the big money within the last year, after forcing his way out of Denver and winding up in Miami. Marshall has a checkered past of being a bit of a prima donna and instigator, so I'm gonna withhold judgment on this betch until all the facts come out. But think about the Arturo Gatti and Steve McNair deaths; obviously a little more brutal then a stabbing in the stomach (from which Marshall should be fine in 2 to 3 weeks), but what sort of precedents are being set here with crazy betch wives or mistresses coming in and stabbing and shooting these professional athletes, our heroes? I really, really don't mean to make light of the situation, especially after bringing up Gatti and McNair, but how batshit crazy does some betch need to be to do this?

Erin Andrews falls on treadmill; world holds collective breath...

No Erin! Don't sully your figure!


I saw this and immediately thought the worst; like EA would have to have reconstructive surgery to fix broken cheekbones, broken nose, broken jaw, and countless facelifts to even come close to the beautiful mug she had before. Then, realizing that she only fell on a treadmill and didn't faceplant off a three story building, I had a good laugh.

This made me think of all the times that I'd see some betches at the gym on a Sunday or Monday night purging themselves of their weekend "indulgences" on the elliptical or treadmill. I would repeatedly wish to see one, two, three, or all of these girls eat shit all up in that gym for everyone to see. And it would be so awkward after; that embarrassed betch who storms out of the gym to everyone else with a shit-eating grin on their face, bursting with laughter. Sadly, I never saw this; it's like a unicorn or a great white buffalo, you hear about them, but you never get to see it yourself.

5 Marlins fans get to see Playboy playmate throw out the first pitch

Genius Marlins PR staff


Kudos to Marlins Public Relations team, this was a smart and savvy move meant to bring in a bunch of fans to the stadium, which I'm assuming is still called Sun Life, although that's subject to change pretty much every year. Attendance probably jumped 10% for this game alone. Unfortunately, a 10% jump from zero is still zero so I'm not sure they made anything off of this. But, apparently this betch is a former Dolphins cheerleader and contestant on the "Amazing Race," and I'm not sure who her friend is, but it doesn't really matter, does it?

This brings me to another point; why doesn't the NBA bring in some of these hot-ass betches to do a ceremonial toss-up or something? I'm pretty sure, in this day and age, that parents don't really care about their kids getting "corrupted" and shit anymore; it's like they tell them, go out, do whatever you want, and learn from your mistakes. Additionally, if having some Playboy bunny strutting her shit at a game is racy, take a look at what the Minnesota Timberwolves dancers look like. It was between them and the Toronto Raptors for most conservative sounding team.

So look at these slobs and think about what the Lakers, Heat, Hornets, and other way hotter dance teams are wearing, or not wearing. I'm not sure that the NBA and its teams would be really jumping into the deep end by running some Playmates out there. And yes, the NBA just had its most successful regular seasons in awhile, but sex and hot betches sell, so I'd consider it.

Crazy Jersey Chasing Story; True or False?

She couldn't have banged all these guys, right?


From the vault of jersey-chasing, gold-digging, yet also hilarious but true potential stories comes this one from Major League Baseball. Some random betch, a real whore insider, apparently has the scoop on a bunch of major leaguers (seemingly the entire league) that's she's had sex with. I really hate lists, but I'm just gonna fire off this cast of characters. She, according to sources, has dirt on Kevin Millwood, Pat Burrell, Chase Utley, Mike Lieberthal, Greg Maddux, Randy Johnson, Mike Hampton, Bernie Williams,  Tim Hudson, Jeff Francoeur, and Luis Gonzalez, just to name a few.

Wow, where to begin with this one? This betch has apparently fucked her way from the late 80s and early 90s until today, so I already don't really trust her that she's bagged all these dudes. I guess Arod and Jeter were too busy pounding each other to get in on this broad. But seriously though, Pat Burrell is a no brainer; the guy has huge piece of shit written all over him and stained on everything he does. Greg Maddux is a real small dude and about as athletic as a 12 year old girl who's hit puberty hard. But apparently he gives some great head. Go figure...Additionally, the nicknames for Utley and Randy Johnson are priceless; Utley was a bit 'overanxious' so he is referred to her as "Chase Me Quickly," as well as an obvious knock as Randy Johnson's johnson, calling it "The Small Unit." It's still a bit difficult to believe that this betch has boned 60 pro ballplayers. But, she's not very stupid, as she knows a trainwreck when she sees one. Her nickname for the Mets is "a traveling circus."

You can't really make up jokes about the Mets; their entire existence is one sick joke.

Brad Penny's Fiance On the Cover of Playboy; Why is she Marrying Brad Penny?

I don't watch "Dancing with the Stars," but apparently she's one of the dancing pros, which has suddenly given me the urge to watch DWTS, if nothing else to watch her dance. Her name is Karina Smirnoff; her name is as synonymous with hotness as Louisville Slugger is to baseball bats. So, could someone could explain to me why she's marrying this guy?

Look at him....he's not really setting the world on fire here. And he's been nothing short of average to slightly above average his entire career, which still makes me question this marriage. I wonder if she knows she settling for an average pitcher and pretty fat baseball player. But I'm not really one to judge any betch who's settling, because they have been settling whenever they hooked up with yours truly. With the sexiness that just oozes out of this little Smirnoff, it's really difficult to see Penny treating her at all romantically. Forgive me for using stereotypes, but he just seems a bit white trashy to me, which means his idea of romance is gutting the deer, or quail, or porcupine that you just caught.....together. She deserves a bit better then that.

Roethlisberger Can't Live With Fiance Before Wedding Because Of Religion.......Wait, What?

Is Roethlisberger for real?

I'm not really going to attack Roethlisberger here. I'm not. He's obviously done all that he's can to run his name through the dirt and establish the best of relationships with betches everywhere. But he's clearly making a savvy and smart career choice; he's nearing his thirties, he's been by no means ever been a looker, does he want to continue to chase middle aged cocktail waitresses in Reno and rape coeds in Georgia? Big Ben has thought about this; and decided maybe, somewhere, there was some dumb betch who wasn't aware of his lengthy rapsheet.

Well, hello Ashley Harlan! I mean, I could just say she's a jersey chaser, looking to never put in a hard day's work, and just pop out some kids for the quarterback and posterboy for her favorite team, but I'm gonna really put this betch under the light. Not only does she actually believe that Roethlisberger thinks that she is "the one," but she's pulling some batshit born-again Christian mumbo-jumbo if she thinks that they both believe that pre-marital boning is not the way to go. Like, did Big Ben just tell her all of his womanizing was in the past, and she's was like, "Okay, let's get married. But, we can't bone until we're wed." And she trusts him not to nail or rape any sidecorn? I just hurt my own head thinking about this. Point is, this betch is the posterchild for gold-digging, naive, and just plain dumb betches. Let's just leave it at that.

LeBron's mom: A chronicle of betches and alcohol

So, this footage has finally been found about this incident that happened last week. Lebron's mom was drunk as a skunk and repeatedly slapped the taste out of some valet mouths, and was detained for battery and, shockingly (as if I need to be sarcastic), public intoxication. Not saying I haven't been "detained" for public intoxication, so I'm not free from criticism, but I can't stand it when some drunk betch, who, once her well-laid plans go to shit, resorts to smacking the shit out of whomever stands in her way (although it can be fun to watch a couple of betches go at it). I've been on the end of a few booze-laden betchslaps in my day, and while I haven't completely gone Wayne Brady on any betch, I wouldn't hesitate to hold back in a room full of drunk betches.

Thankfully, Lebron did what he should have done the entire time, and sent mommy-dearest back to Ohio for the duration of the playoffs. It's not like the Cavs have anything to do, so it shouldn't be too much of a distraction. Wouldn't it be so much easier it we were able to take drunk betches and send them off to Ohio when we didn't want to deal with them?

Tom Brady: Super Bowl champ or huge betch?

Speaking of betches....Brady has a serious run of betching going on. After a historic regular season, where he broke the record for most consecutive attempts without throwing an interception, which was like a 20 year old record, he flamed (emphasis on the flame part) out of the playoffs against the Jets, a team with a pedophile leading them at quarterback, and an overweight head coach with a foot fetish leading their entire team. All the while, this guy was growing out his hair, at the behest of his supermodel wife, who I'm assuming he's terrified of. His unfortunate haircut came-to-a-head when he decided it was okay for a 3 time Super Bowl winner to rock a ponytail at Carnival in Brazil, while breaking out some sort of "dance?" moves that would rival "Knocked Up" for the level of one dimensionality. Seriously what were Sully and Murph thinking when they saw that?

And now crying on an ESPN documentary; it doesn't get any lower than that. Explain to me again how dropping to 199th overall in the draft was a bad thing? He barely started at Michigan, he was drafted by one of the best coaches of all-time, and when you're snubbed by that many teams, wouldn't you use that documentary to berate the 30 other teams that passed on you and rub their noses in your 3 Super Bowl rings? And, if there's no crying in baseball, there absolutely can't be any crying in football. Clear verdict here: huge betch.

Tiger material for sure; and not some goofy South African. Golf WAG's have got to be the most scorching babes out there, cuz most of their husbands are pretty much out of their league. Doesn't Phil have like a C cup or something? And he gets hang out with that wife of his?

Jenn Sterger On Good Morning America; Still Huge Betch

Anyone else tired of this betch? I mean, yes, she is easy on the eyes, but how many strikes can one betch have against her? She's from Jersey? That's one. Say what you will about Brett Favre, and not many like the guy anymore, but the dude is one of the greatest throwers of all time, and I'll give the guy props for that. And anytime a professional sports superstar is led on by a betch, there has to be a problem going on. I contend that no superstar should have to pay/beg/be led on for sex, and any jersey chaser who leads that guy on is a megahuge betch. Strike 2. And whenever you say on national television that you're not a gold digger and only wants to make money threw a real job, you're a lying betch. Is that 3 strikes yet?

But, she's obviously a smart betch; this story was over months ago after the NFL fined Favre for lying about his role in the matter. So this betch is gonna make her money. Wait and see...

First post

Okay, betches!!!! The moment you've been creaming yourself for....

I'm just gonna sound off on any old topic, mostly sports related, post some smutty shit about sports figures and their betches, and just generally make fun of people.

Masters recap:

Greatest tournament of the year; hands down. Not only is Augusta some of the most hallowed ground in all the world, the Masters parties are some of the best all year. Betches finally breakin' out their summer attire which you fuckin' bros wait around all winter to see, the grill is on essentially all day, and once the back 9 on Sunday comes, you can't help be glued to the tube.

It was Tiger's to lose heading to the back 9, but in rare Tiger form, he played the back 9 in even par. So in honor of that, your first background is Eldrick Woods' new betch, who's photo comes to us after her unfortunate DUI.

Hat's off to the Tiger though, this betch was just what he needed to get mojo back.

Oh, and this South African guy named Charl Schwartzel won. He's no Ernie or Retief, that's for sure, but Tiger sure woulda taken a run at his arm candy a few years ago.